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Interracial Marriage for Malayalees

Kerala Forum: Kerala Society & Culture: Interracial Marriage for Malayalees
By ConfusedConcerned on Monday, June 21, 2010 - 07:10 pm: Edit Post

Is it true that Malayalees (especially men)cannot marry other nationalities? I have spoken to some Malayalees and they told me that if they do, their parents and their community will disown them. They'd rather commit suicide than be disowned. Can't the parents and their relatives give their children the right to choose who they want to live with, without those arranged marriage?

My friend (a Filipino girl) almost got pregnant by a Malayalee guy. When that guy knew about it, he got so worried and fearful and he told her he would commit suicide and he's not ready for anything and that nobody should know about it and he was willing to give money to the girl so she can can go back to her own country(they're in Dubai,by the way). I wonder how this guy have the guts to make out with her when he can't stand up for consequences of his actions. I am thinking that Malayalees are not capable of loving, they just want pleasure. Anyway, im out of topic. Just want to share.

By Sagar Elis on Saturday, January 08, 2011 - 04:30 am: Edit Post

this is wrong and those guys are just saying it to out of the responsiblity. I am married to a filipina and my family do not have any issues with that.

By Jeslyn on Wednesday, May 18, 2011 - 12:36 am: Edit Post

I think it's really among those who have never been outside of Kerala that are totally against it..I don't think they like any other kind of ppl except their own..however it's not 100% true about being disowned. My cousin is married to a non-mallu, in fact to an American, and they are wonderful together and have a beautiful 2.5 year old daughter..been married for almost 7 years and are really happy..but my cousin was not disowned and still part of the family. It is true that some mallus will disown you, but those are the kind of mallus ppl usually dislike b/c they are too narrow-minded about everything..avoid them in all costs.

By Sureshbabu on Sunday, September 04, 2011 - 09:55 am: Edit Post

This problem is not specific to Malayalees. We have to see our outlook to marrying a person from another country from the Indian perspective. Our parents only want us to marry from people whom they can feel a kind of belonging. Why talking about marrying people from other countries? Do you think they would accept us marrying some one who is not of our caste, colour, status, state or community? Do you think mallu parents would accept their wards marrying anyone from outside the state? I don't think so.

By Krishnan on Thursday, September 22, 2011 - 06:36 pm: Edit Post


Explain thoroughly about "belonging". Because "feeling a belonging" is created by creating good relationships and happiness among each other. My uncle has two children married to non-Indians, and he considers his in-laws as his children and feels like he "belongs" there. Your culture, race..etc does not determine where you belong. It's like saying that Gujuratis must stick and socialize with Gujuratris, Punjabis with Punjabis..etc. And that can show as lack of socialization among others besides your own group, and possibly racism. But yes, even today Indians don't look into any other perspective. We tend to be narrow-minded.

By ifellinlovewithamalayalee on Saturday, October 22, 2011 - 12:46 pm: Edit Post

Confused Concern, you have a point. My ex boyfriend reasoned out about being disowned and all. He wanted an abortion but I do not want to do it so I end up alone. I am not regretting because I now have a son. I'm just thankful that I am highly educated and my finances are not a major problem to think about. He's doing nothing in his life now. He said he wasn't allowed interracial marriages and if ever he would be disowned, he knows he cannot survive without his parent's money. He's got no balls and he has no shame because he continued his other relationships to some other girls (from my race - take note: he claimed that he's not allowed inter racial stuffs but look at his actions)while being an irresponsible father to my kid (by the way, he 2-3-4-nth timed me). He was not disowned but he hated me much for informing his family. I do not understand why people need to act clean in front of everyone else in Kerala even if they are really rotten inside. I don't want to mention names but it really damn hurts to be left out. Having no money isn't an excuse. A guy's greatness is not measured by the amount of his paychecks but by the effort he exerted. In this case? He never even asked about the baby. Shame on him. By the way, he wanted to have a clean reputation in my son's eyes as well as to his future arranged marriage wife and in laws if there are any Indian girl he and his family could fool. (actually, one girl wrote to me : pretended to be his wife and she received harsh words from me). His parents? I think they are acting as if they know nothing. They are well educated but I cannot see the democracy in their lives. Is that really harsh in Kerala? He is such a black sheep. What do you call a guy who's willing to turn his back to his firstborn son? Is it because that it's outside wedlock? Gosh.

By ifellinlovewithamalayalee on Saturday, October 22, 2011 - 12:51 pm: Edit Post

Sagar, I commend you for your honesty here. You re lucky.

by the way, can anyone build schools outside India fir language learning? for the half Indian kids sake?

Sureshbabu, regarding your statement: Our parents only want us to marry from people whom they can feel a kind of belonging --- how can they know if they won't give it a try?

By meeza on Thursday, November 24, 2011 - 05:28 am: Edit Post

ALL these comments are posted out of isolated one where it happens not for being akeralite , every where it happens the question is guts and balls , In kerala i opresume there are maximum number of intercaste and inter community , and races marriage , kerala is a place where every body are accepted , there is place in kannur where they are ararnging grroms from north like haryana and chandigarh , and you see any family atleast one out of therelation has an inter marriage

By Dayana on Thursday, July 12, 2012 - 07:10 pm: Edit Post

^Yes mixed marriage is very common in Kerala too, just that the very conservative people refuse to acknowledge it and think Kerala is the same as it was in the old days. Come to Kochi (where I grew up) and you'll be in for a ride. I've noticed this was happening in Kerala when I went a few months back. Even though I grew up in Kerala, my husband is from the United Kingdom who is of Punjabi descent. My parents liked him after spending time with and knowing his family for some time and were happy to allow us to marry, but maybe that was because they were a bit more liberal than others? We are very happy along with the occasional squabble all spouses have and married for almost 13 years. My parents consider him as their son, not "son in law". You can have that sense of belonging if you allow it.

By Jesin john on Saturday, October 06, 2012 - 02:37 pm: Edit Post

Mixed marriages are warmly welcomed in most new generation families in kerala particularly when a mallu boy marries a non malayali but the fact is that they are still no longer ready to accept their girls marrying a non malayali boy.One of my cousin Leena married a half bengali half punjabi boy who works along with her in DUBAI.Parents are ready to accept the boy if he is ready to get converted to her religion ; unfortunately he didnt & her parents strictly told that they are not going to accept their marriage.Luckily girl was smart enough to discard her parents words who found only the religion as a barrier.She married him a gave birth to two cute kiddies whom she couldnot have gave birth if she married a mallu boy.

By Anonymous on Monday, October 15, 2012 - 02:48 pm: Edit Post

I cannot understand this..y they are hesistaing for an inter race marriage. I loved an arab guy who worked with me in kuwait my parents disagree the relation telling that arab men donot maintain marital relation . I still love him but not ready to bring tears to parents eyes ...

By Anonymous on Sunday, October 14, 2012 - 12:09 pm: Edit Post

Of Course JESIN JOHN ; I m a victim i too loved a non malayali infact half indian where my parents were not ready to accept us . so i endedup our relation . now i m regreting to miss him

By Anonymous on Friday, October 26, 2012 - 04:43 am: Edit Post

This problem is not alone confined to malayalis ...Most of the indian creeds are against mixed marriages

By Jisha on Wednesday, November 28, 2012 - 06:17 pm: Edit Post

Kerala is in for a cultural transformation. It is true that mixed marriage is very common and I agree with Dayana that too many people there are still very narrow-minded and do not even mention it, then later bashing and criticizing NRI malayalees living in US, UK, Northern India, Bangalore, everywhere all b/c their children are living differently than they are with different viewpoints, lifestyle..etc :p.

In my immediate family, we are all Kerala born and brought up, but with modern-liberal values and we don't behave like the typical malayalee (of course don't think anyone would want to behave like one). I also have extended family all over the West, Europe and one aunt in Malaysia. And I can tell you that that our younger generation is very multi-cultural :-). My sister the pure malayalee married a pure Telugu, married happily for nearly 10 years and blessed with two beautiful sons. Two of my American born cousins married blacks, one African-American and one Jamaican. Another married an American. My aunty in Malaysia married a Chinese malaysian and have 4 kids..very happy with her marriage to this day. One UK cousin is married to a British Punjabi and just had a baby girl 2 weeks ago, they are all extremely happy.

I am currently dating a North Indian and have been with him for 3 years. And of course I have many cousins who married malayalees as well-modern and up to date one that is (do not think it would work out w/ a very conservative and narrow minded mallu). People like to call our family as a United Nations family hahaha, and it's true b/c we are very diverse.

However we are very tight knit and happy with our families. Yes we did get some cruel and harsh comments from naadan malayalees who are against it, but we could care less of what they or others think as most of Kerala is still "backwards". Maybe my family could inspire the younger generation to change Kerala? Hope so. After all, we first and foremost human beings and should consider all as our brothers and sisters, no matter what their race, religion..etc.

By Alice on Thursday, February 07, 2013 - 05:07 am: Edit Post

Jisha i really admire your family and relatives .

i am in troubled state now , My family is typical malayalee and am quite sure that not willing to accept any non malayalees irrgardless of Indian state . They have been looking for a arranged proposal for 3 years but none get fixed yet since i am living in a forigen land for a decade and typical malayalee grooms are not willing to accept me . But recently i met a tamil guy and he simply swept off my feet . Now i am in a confused state that what is right and wrong ? I dont wish to trouble my parents at the same time i dont wish to loose him either as he has his own distingushied qualities . Its haunting me 24x7 and i just do not know what to do ....

By Doll on Monday, May 20, 2013 - 02:44 am: Edit Post

I have been in a long distance relationship with this malayalee for one year now, as they all say old generations seem to have narrow thinking about having a marriage outside your race. what's different with him is that he is very open with this modern things and he is willing to marry me despite our cultural and religious differences. At first, I am worried that this kind of relationship will not work out. But with him by my side, always telling me we will work this problem out together, keeps on saying he wont leave me whatever happens.. and that we will always be together, gives me strength that I didn't know I have in me. It gives me the hope, and the faith that everything will turn out the way we want it to be. It depends on the decision of both of you and what others think about it doesn't matter. As long as you two love each other I don't think that anyone's opinion is worth it.

By Beth McGann on Wednesday, June 19, 2013 - 09:54 am: Edit Post

I am an Australian woman. I married my Kerala boyfriend Sreejith so that he could get a visa to come to Australia. I supported him for 3 years and paid for him to study a diploma etc etc etc. Now he has his permanent residency and he has deserted me. He never told his family about our marriage or life together. He said his family would disown him, or commit suicide. I think the reality is that he wanted to get a visa, and didn't give a shit about me. Should I visit my in-laws in India?

By Anonymous on Friday, October 11, 2013 - 02:57 am: Edit Post

WHat you told is wrong.. I am married to a Filipino women..and as you told my family , my community everyone ........disown But i stand for her and we make each other strong against every hard time they gave us.. Now we are Happy. Family is also understanding and thinking positively... Give then some time to accept...

By vijayarajan on Friday, January 16, 2015 - 07:12 pm: Edit Post

Hi guys I am luving a malu girl but I am from core Tamil guy.. Her parents r nt accepting for dis ..since MRE than caste malu s prob..she used to tell me to get adopted to malu parents guys pls tell me sol

By jen on Sunday, February 22, 2015 - 03:20 am: Edit Post

It breaks my heart thinking that me and my boyfriend will end up nothing because of there culture. I don't want to be selfish and be happy while hes family disown him because of me.
But I love this man so much. And because of our difference happy ending will not be for us.. I am a filipino loving a malayalee guy..And I don't know what to do without him in my life

By Anonymous on Wednesday, March 11, 2015 - 09:30 pm: Edit Post

I am 25 years old and the man I want to marry is 26. We are both very committed, happy, and confident in our relationship and decision to move into the next stage of our life. We have known each other for over 3 years.

We are working professionals, have similar goals in life, and strong values. The issue is that he is white, and I am Malayalee. My parents are dead-set against even the idea of their daughter marrying a non-Malayalee. I plan on telling them about him very soon but I am so scared of losing my parents. I don't know what can make this situation easier and welcome any advice others may have.

By Anonymous on Sunday, March 15, 2015 - 11:12 pm: Edit Post

I fell in love with a mallu guy and he got me pregnant..after learning about that situation, he asked me for an abortion or else he'll get suicide coz of fear of disowning by his family. He brainwashed me and let me decide whom I will choose, the baby or him. I was out of my mind that time, and because I loved him so much, I chose him. But in the end, I was left alone and broken because I lost him and my baby. I was being believed and fooled. And I regret everything. He's now engaged and is set to get married by May. Until now, I haven't recovered from the pain of depression. I have this hatred now for all malayalee guys. They're not capable of loving. I make myself believe that malayalees were assholes. They're acting as if they were clean but totally rotten inside. I thought hindu is a great believer of karma but he wasn't scared of what he has done to me.

By Anonymous on Sunday, March 15, 2015 - 11:17 pm: Edit Post

I can relate to how u feel happened to me as well and I was even got pregnant by him but he didn't stand for it. In fact, he forced me to abort the baby and let me choose whom I love most, the baby or him. Such an asshole! And I regret I chose him because I end up with nothing. I lost both of them.

By rajiv on Tuesday, November 03, 2015 - 08:55 am: Edit Post

To all those women who were abandoned by men from kerala.As a malayalee myself i apologize on their behalf. what they did was certainly wrong. but please do not generalize every malayalee guy as the same. there are people everywhere who do this kind of stuff. Again i'am really sorry on their behalf .

By Anonymous on Thursday, July 28, 2016 - 03:03 pm: Edit Post

I am from tamilnadu. My wife is from shoranur. Ours was an arranged marriage.we belong to diff caste.i found her profile through my friend.i sent a was declined.but she called from her friend number.we spoke and she was confident about me. She informed her family nd they denied straight away.but her brother asked us to come over as she was stubborn. The elders were not willing.but we got married. After six months we went there for festival. They welcome us. The reason for denial is that they are not confident about other state people.our marriage made way for 3 more marriage between my friend nd wife's relatives.

By Anonymous on Friday, September 22, 2017 - 06:07 am: Edit Post

I have a Kerala guy boyfriend for almost 3 yrs.
But our relationship end up due his parents decision .
He will Arrange to stranger girl. Kerala girl also.
My whole world was stop when he told me that's his parent searching and urgent to find the girl for him. I was so depressed. Coz since we have a relationship we don't have a problem like a third party. We fight but not serious problem.
And we know we love it other. So when his parents decided to arrange him even him is so hard to decided but then again he don't really hurt his parents. I love him so much but I respect his parents decision so we give up. I really don't know why they culture is like that. Why?? I love him so much and I really don't know how to move on. Now he is going to engage.

By Anonymous on Thursday, November 29, 2018 - 08:33 am: Edit Post

Im a victim of the same. I n a mallu guy fell in love with each other in college. He loves me but couldn't propose. I don't believe the norms n I proposed him n he accepted. At start he told he can try to convince his parents. My parents are not so orthodox but I know I can convince them once I'm financially independent and have a good living.

But he doesn't even have that hope now. His parents strictly warned of staying away from smoking, drinking and love. If u do any of these we wouldn't be there to see all that. They indirectly r putting him through emotional blackmail and I later learnt they've always raised him that way. That the child belongs to parents n they have to give in to the parents demand. Isn't that so bad? A parent's job is to give birth and nurture the child ND be grateful that a life chose to come across you. A parent doesn't have ownership over the child. That story aside.

He literally stopped talking to me but had difficulty staying away from me. Because he STILL LOVES ME. Just because his parents have a respectful position in society doesn't make them God's. Chosing a person to marry is a sin to them. Falling in love is sin to them. They will definitely not say not to our Union as we fell in love. But they'd definitely either disown him or commit suicide. He can't bear that. No one can.

I've told him several times. There's time to marry. Times would change. They may change. But he keeps on saying. "No! They're my parents. I Kno they won't. I love you so much but I can't marry you. Don't keep hopes on marrying me. It will never happen." He's so scared to even have hope. He still loves me and cherishes me every moment but isn't he going to cheat the person coming into his life? He also mentioned he has to marry the girl chosen by his parents because it's their wish and he has to obey. How can a person Love me and marry on to give the same love to his wife? Wouldn't it be called spoiling her life as she's coming into the union with many expectations right?

I've told him but he never listens. He is too sensitive and cannot let go of me but would do so in future or even now because he doesn't want to hurt his parents.

How can someone be like this? I'm questioning both the MALAYALI parents and kids. Y do u want your kids to only do things that make you happy? Y would you do things that make your parents happy but not you. One day you may be happy then other n go on acting. One day you'll all regret everything and feel deceived and helpless. Trust me he would.

I will never love anyone again. I still love him and can never think of being with another guy coz I can't keep cheating myself.

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